


The Emergency Broadcast

by moriann



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Background Carlos/Cecil - Freeform, Episode Style, Fugitives, Gen, Steve Carlsberg is a Jerk, Typical Night Vale Weirdness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-25
Updated: 2013-10-25
Packaged: 2017-12-30 09:52:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1017175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moriann/pseuds/moriann
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Sheriff's Secret Police have a busy day, hunting down errant citizens, counter-suing StexCorp, and expanding the banned films and books list.</p><p>They do it because they care.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Emergency Broadcast

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Sage (sageness)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sageness/gifts).



Listeners, this is Deputy Smith of the Sheriff’s Secret Police. Welcome to the special emergency broadcast of the Night Vale Community Radio, in which, foregoing such frivolous things as jingles, advertisements and background music, we, the Secret Police, attempt to distract you while we hunt down Cecil and Carlos, those terrible, terrible traitors.

 

Welcome to Night Vale.

  

* * *

  

Early this morning we have learned that Carlos the Scientist is, as we have long suspected, a subversive element and an all-around bad influence. We were alerted by an observant citizen (congratulations on your third Vigilant Citizen Badge, Steve Carlsburg!) that Cecil and Carlos are attempting to surreptitiously leave town. Cecil, as you all know, has always been an exemplary member of our community, therefore we are certain now that it must’ve been Carlos, the deceptively handsome scientist, who has precipitated this atrocious incident.

  

Steve has also managed to acquire and deliver to us a barely-legible note, written in Carlos’s handwriting, with words “make a run for it” visible on it, even though the ink was heavily smudged. Listeners, all of us at the Police Department are afraid for our dear, dear Cecil. We’re afraid he’s being used by Carlos, the deceitful miscreant, for some nefarious purpose. If you know anything that might help us locate him and save him, whisper the pertinent information quietly into your wristwatch. We are listening.

  

* * *

  

Listeners, due to the StrexCorp filing an injunction against us with the City Council, over what they claim to be an unauthorised use of their corporate property, I am now barricaded in the studio. Do not fear, we have already filed a counter-claim, since, as you all undoubtedly know, under Section 8 of the Night Vale Sheriff’s Secret Police Code, we are authorised to seize any business premises in town, if we’re in a state of emergency.

 

In the meantime, since roguish Carlos is still evading our pursuit, I’d like to encourage you to send in any questions and inquiries you might have concerning the law enforcement and law in our wonderful town. The Sheriff thinks I might as well use my time on air productively, to foster the community spirit and keep everyone in a proper state of fearfully delighted respect.

 

Remember: we detain you in the Abandoned Mine Shaft because we care.

  

* * *

  

During the break, some of you have contacted us to express your disbelief about the recent developments. _There is no way it’s true_ , said the paper airplane that flew into the studio via the air vents, _Surely our dear Cecil has just gone on a scenic walk with Carlos? Surely there is nothing untoward about that?_ In response to which I’d like to remind you of the grim and wretched time a decade ago when Cecil left us to travel through Europe. Can you not recall how bleak it was without him? Would you want to experience such abject misery again? Would you?

 

Those were all rhetorical questions of course. As we all know, as a direct consequence of those events, the City Council has passed Resolution 12/35A, forbidding Cecil from ever leaving our fair town again. EVER.

 

Also of note: it was recently reported to us (you’re on a roll, Steve!) that Carlos, the cunning scientist, had been leaking confidential information about the Secret Police, the Night Vale School System and the City Council to an insidious corporate entity known as NYT. It has since been confirmed by the Sheriff himself that Carlos, throughout his stay in Night Vale, has been submitting clandestine reports to them, conveying some rather disturbing ideas. His code name within that dangerous organisation appears to be ‘Op-ed contributor’.

  

* * *

 

A carrier pigeon has just delivered a message from the City Council. It seems that we will, after all, include a Message from the sponsors in today’s audition. Apparently the prerequisite to acting under the seizure provisions in Section 8 is notifying the City Council at least 5 minutes beforehand, and Night Vale Radio Intern Jacques did not make it in time.

 

To the parents of Intern Jacques, while it might seem that you will never see him again, know that an internship with the City Council is much more prestigious than one with the Night Vale Radio, and take solace in that fact. Also, let’s face it, they would not try to poach him if he wasn’t an exceptional young person, so feel proud of him and his accomplishment.

 

And now, the message from the sponsors.

  

* * *

  

_Yellow is the happiest color._

_Yellow is the jolliest color._

_Yellow helicopters are your friends._

**_Strex._ **

_Yellow is now your favourite color._

  

* * *

  

Breaking news! Carlos, the treacherous scientist, and Cecil have been spotted near the burnt ruins of the Daily Journal Distribution Plant. Therefore, we are urging all residents of Cactus Bloom to be alert and on the look out. Remember, let us know about their movements, but do not engage, lest you too fall prey to the charms of the two-faced Carlos.

 

And now for the listener questions. Let me just say first how delighted the Sheriff will be that so many of you dutifully submitted those! Yes, explosions within the town limits should all be immediately reported. Please use incident report BGT-05-C for unintentional cooking-related explosion, but form T-45b for self-defence by explosive with a range upwards of 10 feet. And, since we’re already on the topic, I would like to remind Doctor Dubinsky of the Night Vale Community College that he has already received two warnings about explosion-related property damage, and third warning comes with six compulsory volunteer hours at the Night Vale Public Library, although we accept TAs as suitable replacements if you won’t be able to attend yourself.

  

* * *

  

We’re pleased to announce that the Vague Yet Menacing Government Agency has now joined us in the hunt for the two elusive fugitives. Please be advised that they will be conducting a search grid in Cactus Bloom, Coyote Corner and Marshall’s Gorge, and interfering with professional duties of law enforcement officers is a class IV felony.

 

And now for get ready for a remedial lesson in new developments in search and seizure laws. It is important to know your rights. It is especially important to know when not to ask about them and when to best forget you ever had those.

 

The brochure will arrive at your doorstep in approximately five minutes, delivered personally by a disgruntled-looking Hooded Figure.

  

* * *

  

Update on the doomed escape attempt by Carlos, the duplicitous scientist, and his sneaky plan to take our dear Cecil with him. I’m thrilled to inform you that we have managed to apprehend them en route to Six Flags Desert Springs. After brief interrogation in our secret base of operations, we now believe that their completely irrational behaviour might have been inspired by a viewing of the movie _Adjustment Bureau_. The movie has now joined other material depicting civil disobedience and people suspicious of governing authorities, such as  _The Matrix_ , _1984_ , and _Equilibrium_ , on the banned list. Beyond this announcement it shall not be viewed, discussed, mentioned or alluded to.

 

Listeners, I have been assured that, after completing a brief reeducation course at the Abandoned Mine Shaft, neither Cecil nor Carlos will remember their unfortunate foray into criminal activity. The Sheriff’s Secret Police as well as the City Council would like to kindly ask you not to remind them of it.

 

Stay tuned for the live transmission of the sound of squealing tires of a rapidly decelerating vehicle, futilely trying to avoid an inevitable multiple car pile up, resulting in multiple casualties and significant property loss.


End file.
